a year

so the chapter closes while another begins its unfolding. it is amazing. sorrow, yes, but not the overwhelming kind. life is beautiful. i asked the Lord to prune me long ago. i told him i wanted to bear fruit. so, perhaps now i may reflect while my hand is still on the plow. it is rather like stopping for a cool drink of water while wiping the sweat from your forehead. i imagine me removing the working gloves for a moment, placing my hands on my hips and looking over the furrow planted . it was a good row...straight and deep. now the test...the fruit that will come from the seeds that were sown. i am thankful for the hard work, it was worth it all. but, as the direction shifts and changes to create the field of my life, may i continue as he leads.
time to plow again...


n

birthdays

yesterday was my baby's birthday...he's eighteen now. eighteen years ago i was watching the news reports of the incoming hurricane and looking down at my baby boy. he had flipped just hours before he came and i later heard those dreaded words...c-section. as i cradled him a few hours later and stared at the radar screen i secretly hoped they would allow me to stay an extra day...didn't want to jump in the car to outrun a hurricane. but they released me the next day to evacuate with the crowd. it was, i have to admit, miserable. but not my new fella, he was a wonderful baby...quiet and happy. i was so overjoyed to be home with him when we finally got back to our place. wow...that was eighteen years ago.

happy birthday, ken. i love you.

light battles

This morning we left the house just a few minutes early. As we pulled out of the driveway I looked up and saw a waning moon shining down. From behind me slowly creeping over the horizon came the pinks and reds of sunrise. Simultaneously these two beautiful lights filled the sky, each glowing as one began it's resignation to the other. Then the clouds got into the act as they surrounded the sun, only the glow was evident suppressed by thickness...for over twenty minutes the battle raged. When I exited the scene the moon glowed on, though somewhat diminished, the sun still battling for its rightful position.

I have felt that way in my heart this week. It is more than a transition in life, it is a spiritual transition as well. Since the unexpected blindsiding of emotion Sunday and the constant desire to quell and push it away moment by moment as I feel it rising to the surface, comes that 'not quite there' fresh new life. It has not apparently arrived...not risen to its place as if held back or covered with a cloud mass that won't allow its rays to warm and illuminate. Spurred on by the encouragement of my friends, I try to see the coming light, searching diligently within my heart...damn the moon and well meaning clouds.

And so I wait. Wait for the Father to part the sky...to reprimand the moon and slap the clouds. Joy comes in the morning...but on mornings like this, patience is a virtue I long to possess.